The other half...

In the other half of the double across the street was a boy named Keith. Keith and I became friends quickly and I would often go over to his house to play Star Wars on Atari. He had the 7800 and we had the 2600 so we were always going back and forth.

One time when he was over at my house, we were playing in the basement and there were these huge carpeted pillows we had... we were laying on them. I don't remember at all how it started except to say that I do know I made the first move... we ended up in nothing but our white undies. I was laying on top of him and we were dry humping... rubbing our hard dicks together with only a couple thin layers of fabric between them. I loved the way it felt obviously, but I really also remember enjoying how good it felt to feel my bare chest pressed against his with my arms wrapped around behind his back and my hands up on his shoulders so I could pull and pull myself up and down as much as I thrust with my hips and thighs. The orgasms were amazing. I didn't understand at all what was going on with my body when I felt them... the words I always used in my head as it was happening was that was the point we were "getting to each other". I loved doing it and feeling it. My first orgasms with another person were with Keith. He was a couple years older than me so looking back I am surprised he never ejaculated. He should have been at the right age, I would think... but I guess he was late bloomer maybe.

We probably did this on a dozen different occasions. I remember kissing his shoulders and neck a few times and once I kissed him on the lips. I really like him a lot but of course never could say the words... partly because I was for some stupid reason afraid it would mean he might think I was gay... as though grinding my dick against his didn't already send the message. It's funny the things we are afraid of or the things we rationalize... especially when we are confused and growing up.

I told a friend in an email only yesterday that I didn't think I could see myself in an emotional relationship with another man... but as I type this I realize that isn't true. I did have feelings for Keith... I just didn't understand them and was afraid to explore them. More accurately, I can not see myself in an emotional relationship with a guy as a generalization... if I met the right guy, I could see that potential coming out. It did with Keith.

He emailed me not too long ago... found me through a website we were both on... we've chatted. We had a bad falling out before he moved ... probably both of us trying to deal with our own guilt and shame of someone else knowing our deepest secret... so I was shocked when he emailed me. He's either forgotten or forgiven. I so want to bring up our past and ask if he knew how I had a crush on him or if he even remembers. Maybe I will after a bit of catching up.

Truth or Dare?

Donnie, the new neighbor who moved into the double across the street came over a lot and we soon became really good friends. He was a year or so younger than me, my brother's age, and we would play hide and seek, laser tag, and Nintendo until all hours of the night. We both had Commodore 64 computers and would stay up all night at each others' houses playing video games and eating garlic popcorn.

Before long, truth or dare became the game of choice between Donnie, myself, my brother, and the occasional couple of other neighborhood boys, Jesse, Jimmy, or Jamie. The normal themes of course were truth questions about our limited or altogether nonexistent experience with girls and the dares involved nudity of some sort or another. The most popular and recurring dares often involved stripping naked and going outside into the yard in the night, which would inevitably be followed by a door being locked as a flood light was turned on... stripping naked and climbing into a chest... stripping naked and humping any random object be it a floor lamp, pillow, or the leg, bottom, or body of a randomly selected boy. How we managed to do as much as we did and never wake our parents I will never know.

After one such game, we were all staying the night at Donnie's house and everyone had started falling asleep. With images of my friends' penises wagging through my mind, I found myself quite unable to sleep. My brother was asleep on the floor of the living room, Jesse had long gone home and Donnie was on the couch. I slowly got up off my chair and quietly walked over to the couch and knelt down to see if he was really out. If he was, I planned on sneaking into the bathroom to jack off so I could go to sleep.

I put my hand on his arm and gently shook him. When he did not budge, I whispered his name... still no response. I realized he was a very heavy sleeper and just could not resist touching my cock while I had my hand on his arm. I pulled it out of my shorts, already hard as I've ever been and lifted his hand and put it on my cock. The heat of his hand felt so good. I let go of his arm and just let his hand sort of hang there resting on my dick. Afraid he would wake up and catch me doing all this, I set everything back to normal just a few moments into it, laying his arm across his body.

As I did so, I realized I could touch him too. And I did. First through his clothes and then I reached up and under the loose leg of his shorts and lightly stroked him through his briefs. He still had not moved or made any sign of waking up... I watched his face intently looking for any sign at all of that changing, not really even thinking through what I would say or do if he did.

I always thought Donnie had a bit of a girlish look to his facial features... he had eyelashes that were a little longer than normal and his lips almost looked like he was wearing lipstick even though he wasn't. Without thinking, my hand still in his pants, I leaned forward and kissed him. That did make him stir a little but he did not wake up so I did it again, this time licking his lips a little. My free hand had pulled my hard dick out again. There I was, on my knees slowly stroking myself with my right hand, my best friend with my left, lips pressed to his, breathing in his breath as he exhaled and feeling him getting hard in his sleep. I grabbed one of his dirty socks from the floor and slipped it over my dick and started pumping myself faster, wishing I had some way to get his dick into my mouth. Afraid of waking him up, I had stopped stroking him and just held my hand still on his hard dick, feeling his balls with the tips of my fingers and lightly pressing my lips into his as I came in his sock.

I cleaned myself up with it and traded it for another dirty sock I had found in his bathroom hamper, kissed him goodnight and finally managed to get to sleep on the chair next to the couch. All the while, my brother lay sleeping a few feet behind us, I had just had an amazing time with my best friend and wished there were some sign he would ever feel the same enough to do more... preferably when he was awake.

While it never happened, I often thought of him when jacking off. When he would stay over at our house, I would sneak his socks and shoes into the bathroom and prop a school picture of him up on the toilet paper holder on the wall and tie my cock up in his shoe laces or hump the floor with my dick in his shoe with his socks tied up against my face with his other laces. Sometimes, I still think about him when I masturbate. Those certainly were good times.

Good times... and bad

The internet has made porn so accessible that it has almost taken away a lot of what made masturbation so fulfilling... maybe it's that you don't have to use your imagination so much these days or maybe it's just that I'm getting older.

I had this picture I had ripped out of a magazine somewhere... it was a model in a pair of blue jeans, bare foot, and topless. I folded it up and snuck it into the bathroom with me so many times to jack off to. I'd clean myself up with a wad of toilet paper and flush it all down the toilet.

Unfortunately, the world filled our heads back then with a good deal of garbage that ended up causing me so much confusion and heartache. I would be so horny that I could think of nothing all day but coming home and jacking off on the toilet with my pants down around my ankles and the unfolded topless model propped up on the toilet paper holder on the wall. Then after cumming came the enormous feelings of guilt. Thinking that what I had done was, I'd promise to myself never to do it again and in a few days would be back where I was. I was sure at one point that I was going to hell for sure.

Sadly enough, that went on for a good year or more... eventually I resigned myself to give up trying to quit and eventually the guilt faded to a manageable level and soon enough was quiet enough that I learned to ignore it all together. I think a lot of boys probably deal with it. But eventually we learn.

First cum... am I gay?

The older kids in the neighborhood always talked about "coming". We... the younger kids... asked what they were talking about and they'd laugh or tease because we didn't know. Eventually they told us it was white stuff that came out of you when you had an orgasm. They would also talk about making women "come" and how you were a real man if you could make a woman do that. We never really heard them talking about boys doing it so we came to the understanding that only women did that.

We had a very large dog house... almost a small barn... attached to our garage in the back yard and sometimes I would sneak in there and lock the dog in the pen outside and jack off. One day, I went back and did so just as I always did. I had my eyes closed and was thinking about Donnie, the boy across the street, and as I was reaching that point of orgasm something new happened... white gooey cum started oozing out of the end. I was horrified. I thought I had done something terribly wrong and I remember thinking it meant I was gay because only women did that... as though the biology would have been any different. Funny... it never occurred to me that I might be gay because I liked to play with and suck on other boy's penises. lol Eventually, I figured out it was normal for boys to cum. It's funny looking back, but honestly, at the time it really wasn't funny at all.

All things must end...

Once school started, we saw Robbie a whole lot less. Staying over on school nights was obviously not aloud and weekends were generally just time at home but we usually went over to my grandparents house on the holidays and so we still got to have some fun now and again. There was a room upstairs that was filled with stuff... they just used it for storage. There was an old mattress that was propped up against one wall and we would sneak behind it and play around when we went over.

As fun as that was, the holidays turned out to be too far between and ultimately, we ended up growing apart and soon enough the fun between us and Robbie came to an end... but my brother and I still had each other and we grew closer for a while there. We used to sneak out to this old car that was parked at the back of our yard and climb inside. One of us would pretend to drive and the other would lay his head in the driver's lap. We masturbated in front of each other and a couple of times I sucked on him and once he did so to me. It felt more wrong than it did with Robbie so it didn't happen as often or for as long.

After that, I learned to take care of myself on a much more regular basis... in bed, in the basement, out in the yard, behind the garage, in the bathroom... anywhere I could.

He asked me to put it in my mouth...

Robbie came over to spend the night quite a bit, but as always at some point in the night he would get scared and call our grandpa to come pick him up. I don't think he ever once did stay the whole night.

One of the times he came over, we were on the floor in my bedroom. The door was closed, but there was no lock. Thinking back, we were pretty risky but it didn't even occur to us really to hide what we were doing more than closing the door. I think I knew what we were doing was "wrong" but I guess that's the extent of being hidden that you have at that age.

Robbie unzipped his pants and pulled them down and when he didn't start touching himself, I knew by now that he wanted me to do it for him. I reached over to touch his soft penis and before I could, he stopped me and asked if I would suck on it for him. I was absolutely shocked. Looking back, I really wonder where he learned about all this. I was hesitant and he told me that sometimes it hurts and sucking it would make him feel better. He offered to do it to me first and so I pulled down my pajamas and he leaned forward to put it in his mouth. It felt so much better than using my hand. He sucked it for a few minutes at best. Neither of us were anywhere near puberty and neither had ever even heard of an orgasm let alone had one.

After he stopped, he asked how it felt and I told him it felt really good. Satisfied, he laid back and told me it was his turn. My heart was beating faster and I was really nervous but I didn't want to be unfair so I leaned forward on my belly and put it in my mouth. I managed to suck a little before the aroma and taste overwhelmed me. I don't remember if I actually threw up, but I remember that I at least thought I was going to. I think after all that playing in the yard and sweating all day, he wasn't as clean as he could have been. That was the end of my first oral experience. He let me use my hand on him instead.

As bad as it tasted, the next time we were together, I wanted to do it again. It was much better that time and I sucked him several times after that over the next couple of summers. I liked how it felt when he did it to me, but I really liked doing it to him and did it far more often than he did to me. When I was alone in bed or the bathroom doing "one man sex" on my own, I tended to daydream about doing that to him more often than not.

Evening Exercise - my first sexual experience

I was about 8 or 9 years old. My younger cousin, Robbie, and his friend "Scooter" came over to play at our house for the day and were planning on staying the night. We were sitting out on the back porch and they were talking about needing to go inside to do their exercises before bed. My brother and I wondered what they were talking about and so we went down into our basement so they could show us.

At this point, both of us were completely naive to any use for our penises except to go to the bathroom, so we were both surprised and curious when our cousin and friend simultaneously dropped their pants in front of us and begin to rub themselves.

I asked why they were doing that and Robbie told us it was an exercise that would make your penis bigger. While I pondered why in the world you would need it to be bigger, he quickly added that it felt really good too. He said it was called "one man sex". With a minimal amount of prodding, my brother and I pulled down our pants and soon enough there were four boys standing with our pants around our ankles watching each other masturbate. I was impressed because I did get a little bigger and harder too. That was the first time I'd ever had, or at least noticed I had, an erection. And he was right. It felt pretty good too. We exercised together on a pretty regular basis after that day.

After we'd done this a few times over the course of the summer, one time Robbie said he was too tired from playing and still needed to do his exercises so he asked if I would do it for him. I didn't see anything wrong with it so I did. It was a lot of fun and soon led to other "exercises" that involved our mouths but that's another story. As it is, I think I need to go do some exercising just about now.

Eating my first cream pie

I get excited by the thought of eating cum. Cum has been a real turn on for me but like most men, I lose the nerve once I've had the orgasm. There have been more than a handful of times I've kept up the nerve enough to do it. I eventually got tired of getting horny and regretting losing my nerve from the last time and just made the decision to force myself to do it. Pretty quickly that opened me up to keeping my nerve on occasion enough to dump a load into some food and eat it or to find some really funky and uncomfortable positions to jerk off straight into my open mouth.

My wife does not mind giving me blow jobs but really has never enjoyed letting me cum in her mouth because she does not like the consistency at all. She's done it a few times and I would try of course to get her to do it more often. When she kept complaining, I asked he what the big deal was and told her to just kiss me afterward to show me. She would ask afterward if I wanted a kiss but I would always back down until eventually she just kissed me without asking. I eventually came across some posts on the internet where men were "forced" to do it or enjoyed doing it to please their wives. This and the kiss took the interest to a whole new level for me.

She sucked me in the shower once (New Year's Eve this past year) and finished me with her hand all over her chest. I swiped my tongue through it and it really surprised her quite a bit. Then this past summer, I had the most amazing sexual experience of my life. We were on our way to Disney World for a vacation. We left the kids with her mother and were talking about sex the whole drive down. One of the topics that came up was going down on her after I came inside her. I joked that I lose the nerve so she would have to make me do it but I knew she never would because she is very timid in bed. Never the aggressor, never the initiator... or so I had thought.

The night of my 30th birthday, I went down on her trying to give her an orgasm, but I just wasn't able to get her over the edge. We had some really hot sex and immediately after I came she looked me straight in the eye and said she wasn't done yet, that I had to make her come. With that, she just pushed my head down and the next thing I knew my cum was smeared over half my face while she pushed me hard against her bucking hips. She ground her pussy into my face and I remember being surprised mostly at how strong she was... she pushed me into her pussy with more force than I thought she had in her and I was getting hard again as I took in the fact that I had just been reduced to her masturbation toy. It was amazing. Her pussy was sooo different after being fucked. It wasn't just the cum, which I admit I enjoyed, but the texture was somehow different, it was hotter, wetter more than what could possibly be from just my load. When she finally came, my quiet timid shy little wife who never uttered a peep during sex was breathing heavy, actually moaning for the first time... well ever. When she settled down and loosened pressure on the back of my head I suddenly became very aware of what had just happened and before I could wipe the cum off my now embarrassed and certainly flushed face, she pulled me up and kissed me hard and deep.

It was absolutely amazing! The fantasy of eating my cum out of her... her sudden dominance over me... the way she took her pleasure into her own hands and used my face as an extension of her own masturbation... the utter humiliation of her seeing me with cum all over my face... nothing else has ever compared.