The other half...

In the other half of the double across the street was a boy named Keith. Keith and I became friends quickly and I would often go over to his house to play Star Wars on Atari. He had the 7800 and we had the 2600 so we were always going back and forth.

One time when he was over at my house, we were playing in the basement and there were these huge carpeted pillows we had... we were laying on them. I don't remember at all how it started except to say that I do know I made the first move... we ended up in nothing but our white undies. I was laying on top of him and we were dry humping... rubbing our hard dicks together with only a couple thin layers of fabric between them. I loved the way it felt obviously, but I really also remember enjoying how good it felt to feel my bare chest pressed against his with my arms wrapped around behind his back and my hands up on his shoulders so I could pull and pull myself up and down as much as I thrust with my hips and thighs. The orgasms were amazing. I didn't understand at all what was going on with my body when I felt them... the words I always used in my head as it was happening was that was the point we were "getting to each other". I loved doing it and feeling it. My first orgasms with another person were with Keith. He was a couple years older than me so looking back I am surprised he never ejaculated. He should have been at the right age, I would think... but I guess he was late bloomer maybe.

We probably did this on a dozen different occasions. I remember kissing his shoulders and neck a few times and once I kissed him on the lips. I really like him a lot but of course never could say the words... partly because I was for some stupid reason afraid it would mean he might think I was gay... as though grinding my dick against his didn't already send the message. It's funny the things we are afraid of or the things we rationalize... especially when we are confused and growing up.

I told a friend in an email only yesterday that I didn't think I could see myself in an emotional relationship with another man... but as I type this I realize that isn't true. I did have feelings for Keith... I just didn't understand them and was afraid to explore them. More accurately, I can not see myself in an emotional relationship with a guy as a generalization... if I met the right guy, I could see that potential coming out. It did with Keith.

He emailed me not too long ago... found me through a website we were both on... we've chatted. We had a bad falling out before he moved ... probably both of us trying to deal with our own guilt and shame of someone else knowing our deepest secret... so I was shocked when he emailed me. He's either forgotten or forgiven. I so want to bring up our past and ask if he knew how I had a crush on him or if he even remembers. Maybe I will after a bit of catching up.